The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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