So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
