Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
