If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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