They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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