How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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