OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
