Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
