is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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