just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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