probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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