i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
