I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
