So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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