i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
