My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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