No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
