he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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