Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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