i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
