new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
