Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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