why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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