How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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