So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
