a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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