so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
