Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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