Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
