is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
