I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
