What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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