he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
