dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
