When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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