TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
