A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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