woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Found the puke drawer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
