so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
this hospital has no fireball
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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