Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
