So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
