some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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