Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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