Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
