so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
