so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
