Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
