dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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