I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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