i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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