Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
