Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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