You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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