he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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