I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
