I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
